Life Without Christ

Ok so this is UBER random, so bare with me...

I had a HORRIBLE nightmare last night. In my dream this creepy old man (who was recently a character on the show Criminal Minds...which I will not be watching anymore) was a serial killer and was trying to kill me. Everywhere I went, he would be standing there waiting for me. I stabbed him to try to kill him. He wouldn't die. I would run and get to the next place and he would be there, waiting for me. In the end of my dream, I blew his head off with a gun (violent dreams, I know). He died. I thought it was all over until I realized that he had a partner, who had a partner, who had a partner, who had a partner...etc. It was the never ending nightmare. Well, when I woke up, I was terrified. I started thinking about how scared I was. It was almost odd. I started thinking about what the difference was between this happening in real life and this happening in a dream. There was something just soo scary about it in my dream.

Thats when I figured it out. In my dream, I didnt have God to pray to. I didnt have God to ask Him to help me. I didnt have the knowledge that if I died, it would be ok because I would be in heaven. It was like for the first time in my life, I got a glimpse of what life without God looks like. See, I grew up a "Christian" (when I truly believed on my own, I dont know.) but basically for my entire life, I have had that feeling of eternal salvation and I have always felt like I could turn to God for help. Im so glad I had this nightmare (even though I basically didnt sleep starting at 5:00am when I first woke up) because I feel like I really got an idea of what life separated from Christ looks like. Its hopeless. Its meaningless. Its sad. Its super scary. I cannot imagine being a situation like that and trying to handle it on my own. I am so glad that I have a savior who was and is and is to come. How blessed are we to know the living God?!

So, would I like to continue to have nightmares? NOPE. BUT, I am so grateful for this one because I feel like I have this new love and just utter gratefulness to the Lord, that I am saved. I love the fact that if I ever am in a situation like this, I wont have the same kind of fear, because I will know that my eternal salvation lies in the Lord. I feel like I finally get the verse in 1 Corinthians 15 "Where oh death is your Victory? Where oh death is your sting?"

We Are Having A Baby!

So glad I finally get to blog about this! I have been dying to talk about it, but we were waiting to tell our parents the good news before blabbing it to the entire world. (This was very hard for me considering my big mouth) We are elated. After our miscarriage only a few months ago I was super bummed and decided that we would try one more time. I (John basically agreed) didnt want to have another miscarriage and then try again. We decided that we would take it as God's sign to adopt. (Its something that we plan on doing anyway) So, I got pregnant even before I had a period...because Im a rebel like that, and because I figure my clients disobey the rules all the time and their babies turn out fine. So, I disobeyed. I can say with certainty that if I had miscarried this baby, that I would have blamed myself completely for it because of the fact that I disobeyed the rules, but by God's grace, that did not happen. The first few weeks were very scary. I found out that my HCG levels werent doubling and that my body did not produce Progesterone. The heartbeat was low at one sonogram, and I panicked. Every time I had the slightest cramp or lack of pregnancy symptom, I automatically assumed I was miscarrying. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. It is by God's awesome grace that this baby is healthy and happy:)...wouldnt you be if I was going to be your mom?...and we are sooo excited to welcome this little one into the world.

I have had 8 sonograms now, which is ridiculous, but its so hard not to have one when I work at a place that provides them! We have so many pictures. Its kind of funny. Its been awesome to see the change in the baby and it constantly reminds me how awesome God is. I dont understand how people can see this stuff and not believe in Him. He is an awesome God.

Which brings me to raising a baby to honor the Lord. How stressful?! I want my child to grow up and serve the Lord and I want to be a good example to my child, but what kind of example am I being when I go buy a pair of shoes for myself that I dont need? What kind of example am I being when I go shopping just because Im bored? What does that teach my kid when there are millions of starving people in the world? I have realized that I am going to have to change my ways. This is a good thing. I have been trying to change them, but Im hoping the desire to raise my child to honor the Lord will spur me on. I think it will help to constantly have someone watching me.

Anyway...all kinds of things to stress over now...not worry over because I have put this baby into God's hands, but stress over because I want to be a godly example to my baby.

Enough for now. Im sure I will be blabbing a lot more now that I have something exciting to blab about!!